One of the more bizarre Mother’s Day ‘gifts’ was bestowed last week on a much maligned mother in Cleveland, Ohio. According to a news story from Associated Press, Cuyahoga County courts have removed the family from the “protective supervision” of Cuyahoga County Children and Family Services last Thursday. 

The boy had been returned to his mother and his home in March, but only under the ever-watchful eye of the Fat Police, …er, I mean CCCFS.

Big Story, Brief Mention

While news outlets small, medium and large ran the story just in time for Mother’s Day, their coverage was not much more than a blip on the mass media radar. You would think a child being returned after being unjustly taken from his/her parents would be major news, generating lots of warm fuzzies from an outraged public that the whole thing happened in the first place.

However, that is not the case. In a culture that figuratively and literally sells thin on a daily basis, a fat child being returned to a fat mom is “off message.”

The New ‘Free’

The AP story goes on to state that, “Social service workers still plan on checking in with the boy and his mother,” and that CCCFS says “‘We will remain involved as long as the mother allows us … She doesn’t have to allow anything anymore, … legally we’re at the end of the line.’”

Yet the court seems to think otherwise as the article also says, “… it will be up to the boy and his family to make sure he doesn’t regain the weight and end up in court again.”

Again? He never should have been there in the first place and now, this poor mother is going to have to spend the next ten years constantly looking over her shoulder for the Fat Police and their minions, wary of when they may try to take her son again.

Felonious Fat

While I am sad, angry and afraid for this mother and son, I am equally afraid for us all as this case is the real criminalization of fat. A child with a fat body is now marked as being neglected, just as neglected as a starving child, which is among the stipulations for being charged with Child Neglect in Ohio.

We have had other cases in Northeast Ohio where children were abused horribly or lived in immediate danger, yet they were not taken from their parents. Recently, an eighteen month old boy was judged by authorities to be in no real danger even though relatives told them he and his mother lived in a meth house. The courts stepped in when he died, poisoned by the fumes. How does being fat pose more of a danger than living where toxic chemicals are used to make drugs? 

Next Week’s Blog:

What the ACLU had to say about this case and the need for all children they point to.

I have now come to believe that it is one of the most important questions on earth.

A few years ago I was lamenting to my therapist in one of our sessions about how I had been trying to lose weight and was feeling really frustrated about it. He stopped me in the midst of my wrestling and asked, with genuine curiosity, “Is that something you want? To lose weight?” I was dumbfounded by the question. I could have easily translated his questions as a judgment, as a “you’ve got to want it if you’re going to make it happen” statement. But there was not an ounce of judgment in his voice. Do I want to lose weight? I had assumed we both knew I needed to lose weight and that I should be trying to lose weight. Never had I stopped to consider if this was something I actually wanted.

Throughout my entire life I have had messages blaring at me to lose weight, be smaller, fit in. Thankfully my parents never told me to lose weight, but I was a sensitive child and I easily picked up on the pressures my mother constantly felt to lose weight and look a certain way. I inherited her fear by association. Even if I hadn’t, the messages to lose weight came down heavily from my peers, from my Young Miss magazines, from commercials, and even my church community. Lose weight — always, forever, and ever!

I can’t help but wonder what my life would be like now had the message “pursue what delights you” been said to me as frequently as the “lose weight” messages. Imagining the woman I might have become brings tears to my eyes and a swell of both aching and excitement in my chest. I ache for what has been missed, and I also feel excitement because I am coming to realize that it is never too late. With all the courage I can muster, I go back into my soul and I ask my adorable, 11 year-old self, “What delights you? What do you want?” I look at her soft, round face, and I treasure her answers, breathing in their sweet essence. I give those answers all the attention they deserve and I laugh with her at their wildness.

It is never too late to nurture our younger selves, to give our full attention to their desires. Though it will take a lot of courage - and likely a lot of aching - it is never too late to start asking ourselves what we want. The voices of others are so very loud, especially when they come bearing tidings of shame and judgment. It may take longer to tune into your own voice, to your own desires, but it is never too late to ask.

So tell me, what is it that delights you?

Looking back on my life thus far, raising my son is the accomplishment I feel most proud of. I certainly can’t take all the credit for what a wonderful young man he has become, of course, but I am really proud of him. That alone makes Mother’s Day special to me. Getting flowers from him is a nice bonus, of course!

I had a late brunch with my own mother today. We tried out a restaurant that was new to us.

I had my eye on at item that I had seen on the Mother’s Day menu on the website, which was Stuffed French Toast with cinnamon cream cheese, strawberries, almond, and maple syrup.

Unfortunately, they decided not to stuff the French toast, so that was a bit of a disappointment. We made up for it by ordering peach crisp to share for dessert!

A Gift for Mom (and Me)

A few days ago, my sister suggested that perhaps I could bake a cake for my mother. Given her living situation (assisted living, with almost zero food storage space), I decided that I would buy a pound cake, slice it, and put each slice in its own Ziploc bag.

I’m not talking about the dry loaf type of pound cake, but the ultra moist type, with a glaze, made in a tube pan or bundt pan. I bought the cake on Friday, left it in the car overnight, then brought it into my house in the middle of the day on Saturday.

Once it was in my house, it was hard for me to ignore it. I don’t know what it is about pound cake that makes it so irresistible to me. It has to be the pleasure sensations I get from eating it.

One piece just makes me want another. Anyway, I had a couple of slices on Saturday, then more when I was slicing it up for my mother, then more when I came home after spending time with my mother today (Sunday).

Finally, I followed my plan of slicing the remainder, bagging it, and freezing it. So far, I have not removed any from the freezer.

Sweet Reward?

I’ve had a “sweet tooth” for as long as I can remember. My parents both had one, too, although I think my father was maybe less prone to snacking than my mother is.

My mother baked a good bit when I was young, and I learned to bake before I learned any other type of food preparation, I think.

Although I enjoy a good meal, vegetables and all, I tend to get even more excited about dessert. I wish I was not that way, but I don’t know if it can be changed.

Meanwhile, I just try to avoid having pound cake (or any cake) around the house, because I feel that it tempts me to throw off the balance of my food intake, and to eat just for the enjoyment, not because of hunger.

Yet, I want to allow myself to enjoy all foods, and not place arbitrary limits on quantity.

Really tuning into one’s body without imposing cognitive restraints can be quite a challenge, I think!

Today I’m doing the same thing! I can’t believe it’s been a year already! I still remember researching for this last post like it was yesterday. It’s crazy how time flies, isn’t it?

From last year to 2012 I don’t see too many major differences in trends for Spring, but I’ve still chosen some of my favorites.

Most of them you can buy on line, just be very cautions with the sizing because it varies from store to store.

Unlike last year, I am categorizing my choices by clothing item, starting with tops and jackets. I hope you like my collection!

Graphic Tees

Every since I started to get fat I stopped wearing graphic tees, probably because I didn’t want to draw attention to my body. But when I reclaimed my right to fashion, graphic shirts were back on my menu.

I love them - They are cool and they don’t require much to create a great outfit. Here are some tank tops and T shirts with cool graphics:

Exercise your right to bare arms with some great sleeveless tees! All the designs are by Forever 21 +.

If you like skulls, check out this great tee from Torrid.

I love T-shirts with messages and nice drawings. From Forever 21+.

I don’t know why, but I have a thing for clothes and accessories with the British flag. T-shirts by Forever 21 + and Evans.

These fringed T-shirts are awesome and if you’re feeling adventurous you can customize some of your own T-shirts with just a pair of scissors!

Elegant Shirts and Blouses

Oftentimes a wild card in your wardrobe, but they never go out of style. Like this polka dotted blouse by Anna Scholz and striped shirt by Evans.

Two shirts by Evans that can be worn at work and casual occasions. The white one was specially designed for busty women (we all know that buttoned shirts can be such a nightmare sometimes)!

I’m a very big fan of shrugs. They are versatile, can change an outfit and can be worn on days that are warm but not super hot.

They are also very elegant and I have many in different colors, from black to coral.  They can come in a great variety of fabrics, too.They are truly great friends.

Shrugs can play it cool and casual like the following ones by Anna Scholz and Evans.

For a night on the town and special occasions shrugs can make a difference. I loved these in black with lace and embellishments.

Both by Evans.

Light Cardigans and Jackets

Some spring days might be cooler and a great option is to invest in light cardigans, shorter sleeved jackets or denim jackets. I’m super in love with this cotton cashmere sequin cardi by Anna Scholz and the Evans pink pocket cardigan.

Shorter sleeved jackets in light fabrics can create a very elegant outfit. I like these I found at Nordstrom a lot!

Finally, denim jackets are always a good choice and they usually look great with any kind of casual outfit. Images by Nordstrom.

Next week we’re going to take a look at dresses and bottoms (skirts, shorts and pants) so that you can continue to rock 2012 Spring in style.
I invite you all to get to know More of me to Love’s Pinterest boards. There you can find inspiring images from the articles featured in every session of More of Me to Love, including Your Fashion, Your Way. Follow us!

Consider this...

Did you know… that you actually don’t have to say yes to everything?!

I know. It’s sounds crazy, but I only speak the truth.

It seems like most people say yes to every invitation they’re offered because they feel obligated to, or because they don’t want to hurt the invitee’s feelings, or because the feel like saying no would be rude.

But, as I’ve mentioned before, it’s ok to be selfish. Go ahead, liberate yourself from things you don’t feel like doing, from piling too much on your (metaphorical) plate.

Allow yourself to relish in a few blissful moments (or hours or days) of no stress, of, dare I say it… free time.

It’s ok. You’ll love it. I promise. I only speak the truth.

I loved my mom’s body. Not just for all of the reasons that so many of us write about e.g. the enveloping arms, and squishy soft pillows of comfort offered for snuggles and consoling. I loved my mom’s body because I saw it as constant, immortal, forever there and always accessible. Her size and shape had nothing to do with my love for her body. My love was about attachment. My love was about unconditional availability. My love was without eyes or judgment.

So when I heard my mom complaining about her butt and thighs I was bothered.

When I heard my mom crying in the bathroom and I’d peek in and see her looking in the mirror I was bewildered.

When I saw her picking out the combination of blue and red capsules from the little white boxes that Dr. Newman and Dr. Wortman used to give her, I was…

(Ooh, this is being to sound like a Rogers and Hart Song…Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered was I!)

Actually, I was scared. I didn’t understand the pills, the tears, the self-directed hatred. It was incongruent with my experience of loving her so much. Like a puzzle missing a piece.

My mom wore army boots.  Literally…she wore army boots. She wore overalls, army boots, and she was years before her time. She sent my sister and me to school with backpacks way before they were popular. We hated her for it. We wanted pretty little book bags, we got army surplus back packs. We were the coolest, later on, in the sixties, but by then we were used to feeling just a tad ashamed of Mom’s eccentricities.

My mom died when I was 13. She had Leukemia. She got sick in October, 1969 and died two months later. By then I had adopted her body hate as my own. I had incorporated her habits of crying over the bathroom scale, wearing big cover up clothing and being embarrassed about my body. I too was taking pills, albeit, they were illegally obtained and had little crosses on them. I had inherited some wonderful qualities from my mother but they were totally eclipsed by the negative genetic legacy she passed on to me.

I hated my Mom’s body by the age of 15 because it became my body. I inherited her shortness, her roundness and sturdiness. I had not been given any examples of how to love my body. I grew up surrounded by the message that this was a body to despise. I was TAUGHT to hate my body and my mom’s body. But what I came to realize years later is that what I really hated was the abandonment of that precious body when she died. The betrayal, and the reality that this wonderful Mommy Body was gone forever…well, it was easier to hate my thighs and butt than to really grieve the loss. 

My mom died when she was 52.  When I turned 52, I opened up a box of MOMOIRS…trinkets, cards and clothing that I had saved from my mom…Mom-ories.  In the box were the overalls that she used to wear. They had embroidered flowers on the bib, and white lace stitched on to the legs. They were kind of girly-girl in a way. They were, I realized for the first time, a size 12.  My mom suffered a life time of self-loathing as a size twelve. I put them on, they fit just right.

I looked in the mirror and grinned, I looked adorable! Like a 52 year old Pippi Longstocking! I stood there and cry-ulled, (you know that crying and smiling at the same time thing that we do when both emotions are equally as powerful and you have to call it a tie?)

I allowed myself to love my mom’s and my body, for the two of us, as fervently as I could. I wore those overalls most of the day until I went out for my birthday dinner. (My mom would have worn them into Chez Panisse, or French Laundry, but I wasn’t that brave!) Still I carried my mom to dinner with me that night, in my thighs, my butt, my belly and my heart.

It’s Mother’s Day. It’s my first Mother’s Day without my child at home. He is a college freshman 3,000 miles away yet dutifully “CAWLED HIS MUTHUH.”  Our conversation meandered effortlessly from topic to topic, giggles, tears, politics, and school. We are very close, very chatty and unashamed to acknowledge how much we love each other.

I inherited that quality from my mom. My son knows that I am constant, forever there, and always accessible. My size and shape have nothing to do with our relationship.  He loves me without eyes or judgment.

And more importantly, I feel the same way about him. I will light a Mom-orial candle today and hope that we can all embrace ourselves with love and acceptance.

Most of the time we tell. We tell people what we want. We tell our children what we expect. We tell our spouse what needs to be done. We tell our friends what to do.

Sometimes it works and sometimes it creates tension. If we are not happy with the response we get, we feel resentful, maybe even angry. We are disappointed. They don’t do what we tell them to do. When we resent we’re out of balance.

Stop telling and start asking.

You want your spouse to do something for you?
Ask: How do you feel about doing that for me? When will be a good time? May I please ask you something? What ideas do you have about getting it done?

Your friend asking for support?
Ask: How do you feel? What are your choices?

Want your children to clean their room?
Say: You can clean up your room now and then we’ll take a walk in the park or you can do it tonight before bed.

Ask: What do you choose?

Open the door. Ask and listen to the answer. You might get what you want with less effort if you do that.

Bottom Line: When you ask questions, you open the door for flowing communication, for cooperation.
Ask: How can I communicate this as a question instead of a statement?
Affirm: I ask questions and I open the door for better communication.

I grew up hearing “I wasn’t fat until I had Susie.” I’m really not sure how I did that, but I do know that my young brain thought it must have been something about me and my body that made Mom dislike her body so much.

Fast forward through the teen years and early adulthood: the contempt for my body was strong, but slivers of the wisdom of my body cut through the contempt.

I became a registered dietitian. I am fascinated by the science of the working body. When wearing my “science hat” I am able to separate the fascination for the human body and the continued contempt for my own.

Adulthood: career, moving, marriage and children. When I became pregnant, I had to adjust my “science hat” and begin to actually feel my body. Ouch. I had to face the contempt.

But it was my body - my body - which turned contempt into curiosity, curiosity into celebration. That sliver of my body’s wisdom which allowed me to become a dietitian now encouraged me to merge the science and the limitless knowledge of the human body.

Between the Nudge and the Push

Not very scientific, yet I learned that it is with gentleness that our bodies inform us when something is needed. I began to listen to the nudge of hunger, instead of waiting for the push of irritability and lightheadedness. I began to feel the nudge of contentment when eating instead of waiting for the push of uncomfortable fullness.

I’ve always understood the role food plays in allowing the body to function, but I now allow myself to actually feel my body and the wondrous ways food makes my body work.

I want to help guide you - gently - to a similar place.

Allow yourself to feel the gentleness of body cues and wonder in the breathtaking power of food. Begin to listen to the difference between the nudge and the push of your body’s hunger and fullness.

Begin the journey from contempt to curiosity to celebration.

So, What Is Functional Training?

Functional training is a type of fitness activity which involves training the body for the activities performed in daily life.

Functional training has its origins in rehabilitation. Physical therapists developed fitness activities that mimicked what patients did at home or work in order to return to their lives or jobs after an injury or surgery. For example, if a patient’s job required repeatedly heavy lifting, rehabilitation would be targeted towards heavy lifting.

Functional training involves mainly weight-bearing activities targeted at core muscles of the abdomen and lower back. Most fitness facilities have a variety of weight training machines which target and isolate specific muscles. As a result, the movements do not necessarily bear any relationship to the movements people make in their regular activities or sports.

Functional training attempts to adapt or develop fitness activities which allow individuals to perform the activities of daily life more easily and without injuries. Additionally, Functional training may lead to better muscular balance and joint stability, possibly decreasing the number of injuries sustained in an individual’s performance in a sport.

The benefits arise from the use of training that emphasizes the body’s natural ability to move in six degrees of freedom.
Equipment used for Functional Training
Standard resistance training machines are of limited use for functional training – their fixed patterns rarely mimic natural movements, and they focus the effort on a single muscle group, rather than engaging the stabilizers and peripheral muscles.

Preferred Functional training options include the use of things like:
- Clubbells
- Macebells
- Cable machines
- Dumbbells
- Medicine balls
- Kettlebells
- Bodyweight training
- Physioballs (also called Swiss balls)
- Resistance tubes
- Rocker and wobble boards
- Whole Body Vibration equipment (also called WBV or Acceleration Training)
- Balance disks
- Sandbags
- Suspension system
- FLOWIN mats

All the time, I see that Functional Fitness Training can help a lot of people live a more comfortable life with the daily activities that they perform. 

If you would like any further information in relation to Functional Training, please do not hesitate to contact me any time!