My friend and I were debating this the other day. We were talking about the preferences of men when it comes to size of women. (haha, the slogan of this site is Size doesn’t matter and now that just gained a whole new context in my head but I won’t go down this road. sorry)

So there are a lot of interesting portrayals in the media about men who prefer the chubby healthy mama type of woman. I always thought that was really awesome. But is that the case in real life? Movies also mostly show thin women getting the star of the show. What kinds of conceptions do men have about size when choosing their female partners? Is there a difference between what size female they choose for short and long term? My friend said that evolutionarily men are attracted to women with wider hips because that means an easier childbirth. Is that even true? If yes, does that mean that men look for wives who are a healthier size that their short-term girlfriends? Does our body size even matter? I guess so, but does it matter from the perspective of the man or does it matter how the size of a woman impact her self-confidence and thus impacts her attractiveness to men?

So many questions….I just know that sometimes when I go to a party the way I feel about my size impacts my self-confidence. I wish this was not the case, but it is. I find that men are more likely to talk to me when I feel less fat. But that’s the tricky part. Is it that I am less fat or that I FEEL less fat that makes me more attractive?

I’ve been attracted to fat women (yes, I use the word because everyone knows what other words mean anyway) since age 11, and even before then I just was keyed in to their presence. I remember when I was really young my eyes would just snap to the body of a fat girl or woman.

CA girl - 11 April 2009 04:02 PM

I always thought that was really awesome. But is that the case in real life? Movies also mostly show thin women getting the star of the show. What kinds of conceptions do men have about size when choosing their female partners? Is there a difference between what size female they choose for short and long term? My friend said that evolutionarily men are attracted to women with wider hips because that means an easier childbirth. Is that even true? If yes, does that mean that men look for wives who are a healthier size that their short-term girlfriends? Does our body size even matter? I guess so, but does it matter from the perspective of the man or does it matter how the size of a woman impact her self-confidence and thus impacts her attractiveness to men?

Lots of good questions, and here at least are my own answers. They may or may not be exactly the same as other men who are fat-positive. I certainly am a real life being.

Mainstream movies are always partly propaganda; they show what those in power want people to see. As far as conceptions about size…. I am a very nerdy political engineering type of guy, but I really don’t feel that the way I react to women’s size is as much a conceptualization as it is just raw hardwired lust. Yes, I think there is probably an evolutionary factor to the wide hips attraction, but you seem to impute that men are naturally given to bifurcating a choice between long and short term partners. I think that men are a diverse lot, and certainly there are those who seem to want to experience sex with as many partners as they can manage to find. But I also think there are those who, having had good experience with one or a few partners, are more apt to hew to the good they know.

To your last question, my answer would be that both are true; the physical geometry of a woman’s body is a very strong part of it, but so is her body image, which I see as the interface between her body and her personality. I do think that the way someone’s body moves is affected by mood, that body language can telegraph quite a bit to those who are looking.

So many questions….I just know that sometimes when I go to a party the way I feel about my size impacts my self-confidence. I wish this was not the case, but it is. I find that men are more likely to talk to me when I feel less fat. But that’s the tricky part. Is it that I am less fat or that I FEEL less fat that makes me more attractive?

This question of course indicates that you are imputing a hostile polarity where it does not necessarily have to be so, namely “feeling fat”. This is of course a widespread problem, in my own opinion a very self-destructive trope which dictates a kind of cognitive schism, an imperative to do harm to oneself to feel good.

The part of me which is given to creative mischief, when given this line about “feeling fat”, wants to say that I feel fat every time I give my wife a hug, and negativity is the farthest thing from my mind when I do. Is that not one of the very core issues? Accurate self-identification should be a cause for a joyful calm and the basis of realistic plans of action, not some self-imposed article of shame.

Which is why I feel that men who are attracted to fat women need to be prepared to engage in the political sphere on these issues. It is too important a thing to limit merely to one’s own sex life.

CA girl - 11 April 2009 04:02 PM

So many questions….I just know that sometimes when I go to a party the way I feel about my size impacts my self-confidence. I wish this was not the case, but it is. I find that men are more likely to talk to me when I feel less fat. But that’s the tricky part. Is it that I am less fat or that I FEEL less fat that makes me more attractive?

Hi there.

I believe that self confidence, self image, and general wellness have a great impact on how we are perceived by those around us.

My spouse has literally doubled in weight and size since we were first wed, but when she is feeling happy and confident she looks exactly the same ( to me ) as she did when we first met.

She and I have also noted that people, men and women, in various social settings often compliment her appearance when she is confident and feeling good.

I have been fat since junior high.  When I started to gain weight as a teen, I didn’t have good self esteem at all.  I tried to hide it but I feel like people could tell.  I didn’t really start dating until college once my sense of self gradually started to change.  Once I was comfortable with how I looked, men started to take notice.  My current relationship is with a “FA” but before him, I dated men who loved all women and didn’t have a preference between dating a fat/slim woman.  They liked me for me.  So yes, you do have the men that specifically like bigger women but I find that a lot of men like the woman for who the woman is, not what she is.  It all starts with confidence.  Confidence is sexy no matter what size you are and men are drawn to that.