I’d like to share this w/ the group. 

I’m in clinic with a young 9 y/o boy recently diagnosed w/ ADHD (not surprising).  Everything goes smoothly until the boy talks about losing weight.  He talks about starting a diet because THE KIDS MAKES FUN OF HIM.  He doesn’t want to be fat” anymore.

He’s only 9 years old! 

Now this is the sweetest ADHD kid I’ve ever seen.  Do I think of him as fat? No, I thought of him as a healthy well-nourished 9 y/o boy.  If elementary school kids are discussing diet plans for weight loss, then what’s next?  Weight-watchers for toddlers??!

Thoughts?

That is disturbing and terrible, and my heart breaks for that kid. I remember getting teased a bit, but I was never a nine year old thinking I needed to diet. I hope you were able to tell that kid that he’s wonderful and deserves nothing but happiness.

It’s well known from several studies that kids in kindergarten already show preferences for thinner people. Some said they couldn’t like fat people at all but when questioned about grand parents and so on, agreed that they loved their cuddly grandma.  So they are being programmed with negative images from the media but *real life* tells them differently.  Unfortunately, the programming wins :-(

Lynda
Author of ‘Largely Happy’ & ‘Healthy Kids, Happy Kids.’

I was a slim child until the age of 10, when I became a bit pudgy and my body continued to develop (I had an early puberty). I got more comments about my breasts than my weight, until my teacher told my mother that I was fat and she did not like fat people. I believe that I was around 8 years old when my mother suggested we dieted together. Fortunately, we did not.As I grew older, in my teen years, I started getting more comments on my weight. The main culprits were family members, not so much my peers, except one girl who decided I was “The Blob”. As I got into my older teens, I started to become preoccupied with food.

Throughout all these years I was put through fat shaming comments from my family, which really did a number on my self esteem. The comments continue, especially from my mom. I’ve yet to fully recover.

My experience will probably not be as bad as the experiences of other children, and I don’t even want to imagine growing fat in this age where everyone is concerned with the “obesity epidemic” and one can’t avoid diet talk. I have learned that children are becoming targets for these messages, even watching children’s shows. There has even been an increase of eating disorders in young children because they’re afraid that certain foods will kill them.

I’m so sorry to hear you went through that invisiblecat, and truly sorry to hear that issues persist with your mother. Have you ever said anything to her about it, or is that something you don’t feel comfortable doing? When I told my sister (my most regular tormentor in my adult life) that I was fine being fat and that I wasn’t going to be able to be around her if she didn’t learn to love me this way, it was initially a strain for us but actually turned out for the better when she talked to me about it. Her concern with my fat was less about me, it seems, than it was about her. I’m not suggesting that your mother’s situation is the same, but just saying that in my experience these things are more complicated than they appear on the surface. Most arguments that people use against being fat (e.g. health, aesthetics, etc.) are bogus, and with a couple of resources at your disposal (like reading Linda Bacon’s Health at Every Size) you’ll be prepared for an informed heart to heart.

Curious to hear how it goes, or, if you don’t talk to her, how everything is with you.

Wow this is sad, I hope he has someone to direct him into feeling good about himself and his self image.

i can certainly understand where he is coming from with the rude comments from others..iam now in my 30s and still remember when i was in 3rd grade a boy saying i looked like a cow chewing my cud(I was chewing gum) and lets not even get into the days at school when we had to be weighed in front of the class! Devastating…i certainly hope this child has someone to look up to who will accept him for who he is and tells him people are beautiful nomatter what size!

I was born overweight.  I was a healthy 13lbs 9oz at birth.  So, I’ve never been a ‘normal’ weight, I’ve always been a big girl.  So I’ve been teased since the day I was born about my size.  When I was 9, I was put on my first of many diets in my life.  I lost some weight; but, eventually I fell off my diet and continued to gain weight.  I was not just teased growing up, I was tormented.  I was poked fun at, hit, pushed around, my lunches were stolen.  In middle school a girl went so far as to steal my clothes during gym class.  I had to go home in the middle of winter in just my gym suit (a t-shirt and shorts).  My family playfully picked on me about my weight, calling me bubble butt, chubby cheeks, stuff like that.  Others were much meaner.  But all of it took its toll on me.  I’m now almost 28 years old and suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from all those years of abuse at the hands of other kids tormenting me because I was the fat kid.  I am still a Large and Lovely Woman.  But what they did to me I’ll never forget.  It still persists.  But growing up was the worst.  I hated to be around other kids.  To me they were nothing but my enemies.  It wasn’t until I was in high school that I started to fight back.  But by then, the damage to my mind, self-esteem, etc had been done.

I was a chubby kid, a voluptuous teen, and now a very fat adult.  I’m content with that, but yes, children can be very very cruel.

My sister had twin girls 11 years ago. They were born 9 weeks early. One girl (E) was born with a disease that destroyed her liver, and she had a liver transplant at 7 months old.  The other girl (L) had a two-cord umbilical cord and was born just over 1 lb.  We feel ourselves to be extremely lucky to have both girls still alive and doing well at 11 years old.

E had some later problems with the transplant, and ended up with an enlarged spleen, so she has a tiny bit of a belly.  L has eating problems (and always will), so she’s very, very thin.  Both girls are extremely tall for their age. In school, L gets teased for being too thin, and E gets teased for being too fat.  Fortunately, my sister went through the same diet misery that I have, and refuses to raise her daughters with the same screwed-up mentality about food that we have, so they get support at home.  But the teasing is the same.  No matter what size you are, no matter what you do or say, kids are going to be teased at school.  The best you can do is give them all of the love and support outside of school that they need.  Just make sure that *someone* tells them that they are loved. 

No child should be teased on all sides, only to get berated at home for the same thing.