A few months ago I decided to start a blog to share my thoughts and experiences as an “overweight” person with others. One of my primary objectives was to let other big people know that they are not alone in their challenges. I wanted to show individuals who aren’t particularly tolerant of fat people, that we’re real people with feelings, hopes and dreams. I also thought that it would be somewhat cathartic for me to share my experiences with others. So, I pushed all my thoughts about dieting aside and started doing a lot of introspection as I set out to change the world.

Where Has Dieting Gotten Me?

Ever since I was a young child people have been telling me that I need to lose weight. For as long as I can remember, people have been telling me what I should and should not be eating. C

Consequently, I have spent the majority of my life dieting and trying to follow many different ‘rules’ about eating. I have spent countless hours over the years researching diets and weight loss methods.  I have spent a tremendous amount of money on diet books, diet products and weight loss programs.

And what do I have to show for it?

Every diet attempt left my weight a little higher, my wallet a little thinner and my self esteem a little lower.

The Relationship Between My But and My Butt

I realized that how I view myself and my weight has had a huge impact on my feelings of self worth. I realized that my weight had become a huge ‘but’ in my life (no, I don’t mean ‘butt!’).

I have a wonderful husband and family. I am successful at work. I am actually a healthy and happy person. I really have a lot of positive things going for me. BUT (this is my big ‘but’), I am overweight.

I realized that for years I have been adding this caveat to every positive thought I have about myself or my life. I discovered that I actually do not allow myself to feel proud of my successes, no matter how significant, because I am overweight.

Reflections on the Revelation

I admit this sounds a bit crazy, even to me. But, after some self reflection, I now understand why I do this. When it comes to other people, I am quite tolerant and patient. I can be very tolerant of “imperfections” in others, especially when it comes to their size or appearance. However, when it comes to myself, I am an overachiever and a perfectionist. So, no matter how ‘perfectly’ I do something, in my own mind I will never be a true or complete success until I am completely perfect - including my size.

This was a very powerful revelation to me. I had to admit to myself that by being accepting of imperfection in others, but not in myself, I have actually been treating other people, including total strangers, a lot better than I have been treating myself!

I decided that while I am working hard on my blog trying to get others to be more accepting of fat people, I also need to work on learning how to accept myself - size and all. So, I started doing some research and I learned about the Health at Every Size approach (HAES).

The Transition to Health at Every Size

After a lifetime of following diets and ‘food rules’ I was very hesitant to embrace a concept that tells me to forget about the diets and focus on eating intuitively. After all, it has been drilled into my head over and over again that if I had any self-control or self-discipline, I wouldn’t be fat to begin with.  So, if I am suddenly not following any ‘food rules’ and instead following my instincts about eating, I am surely going to get even fatter!

I decided to take a chance and give HAES a try.  It has not been 2 full months yet, but already I feel as if a huge burden has been lifted from me.

I now realize that I do not have to be a ‘perfect size’ in order to be a success. Instead of losing weight, I am working on losing all those ‘rules’ about eating, and I am finding that this is giving me an incredible and powerful sense of freedom.

I am free to eat what I want, when I want. I am even starting to make some progress on accepting myself as I am. I hope that if I keep working at this, one day I will be completely free of my big ‘but!’

What about you? How did you transition to a Health at Every Size attitude, if you’ve transitioned already? How has your life changed? What’s your big ‘but?’

I'm just a Crazy Fat Chick, blogging about my personal journey towards living a Health at Every Size lifestyle. I also write about embracing Size Acceptance and share obesity-related stories that pop up in the news.