Another Child Bit My Son

This week, I have been working very closely with mothers and their young children, toddlers and infants.  One thing I noticed was how times have changed with both why we eat and how we teach our children to eat. 

Last Friday I was at a Mothers Group at one of the mothers’ homes.  There were about 6-8 mothers with their toddlers.  At this particular Mothers Group there was a Skincare demonstration being held, which was a nice touch for the mothers who attended.  What was not nice was the experience of my 22 month old son, who, for the first time in his life, was exposed to a biting incident.

My son was holding a particular toy and another child wanted it. However, my son would not give it up.  So, the other child literally bit my son so hard on the wrist that his bite left a deep indentation along with bruising afterwards. 

Both my son and I were in shock from what had just happened, as we had never seen this before.  What am I to do as a mother when this happens? I was horrified! The mother of the other child kept apologizing, and I heard myself saying, “Don’t worry, it’s ok.” 

As I’m saying this, I have tears welling up in my eyes whilst consoling my son.  No, I think. This is not ok. This should not be happening. 

A Disconcerting Parenting Technique

The other mother then took her child away from the situation, and very quietly and politely told him that we don’t bite other children and then proceeded to give him something to eat. 

Huh!? I thought. Food? Did the mother think her child was hungry?  Did she think that he was upset also and wanted to assuage his emotions with food? My main question here is, why are we rewarding, disciplining and comforting our children with food?

While used for a variety of purposes, especially for adults, food should be given for hunger, as, biologically speaking, the primary purpose of food is physical nourishment.  If we don’t eat, we die, simple as that.

However, we are not communicating the message of “food for hunger” to our children particularly well - and when we are, it is swallowed up by alternate messages like “food for boredom,” “food for sadness,” “food for rewards,” etc. We should be listening to our own and our children’s hunger and satiety appetite signals. We should not be feeding our children just because they are angry or upset or emotional or bored.

Teaching Our Children to Eat Internally and Nourishing Their Lives

All my child was given was a lot of love, hugs, reassurances that he is ok and an explanation of the incident.  If I’d offered him food, he would have associated the healing of pain with food, which doesn’t make sense. 

This is all about learning to eat intuitively and listening to our bodies’ hunger and satiety cues - and teaching our children the same. When you get something to eat, ask yourself, “Am I hungry? How am I hungry? What am I hungry for?”

Also, for the mothers/fathers/child-carers out there, when your child says to you, “I’m hungry,” teach your child to ask the same questions about his or her hunger. Have a look at what your child is doing when s/he asks.  Your child could be bored, upset, happy or something else other than hungry for food.  You won’t know unless you ask, and if your child needs to be nourished in other ways - with entertainment if s/he’s bored, love if s/he’s upset, or praise if s/he’s happy - you’ll never know unless you ask.

How do you help your children learn to become intuitive eaters? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

As a personal trainer who's always loved her body, Sue Bary was tired of being classified as 'mildly obese' and wanted to help others experience Enjoyable Body Movement without being subject to the usual verbiage of weight loss and dieting. Thus, she created enarji, a personal training practice steeped in the Health at Every Size approach and attitude. To learn more about Sue, click here. Because you are a special More of Me to Love member, Sue wants you to enjoy a FREE consultation through enarji's Virtual Health Coach services. .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) to schedule your free consultation today!