Blogs

Say What?  Minding Your Self-Talk

by Sara Armstrong, MS, RN
March 01 2010

The Power of Mental Chatter

As anyone who has ever tried to meditate will tell you, our minds are busy every moment of every day!  But have you ever slowed down to really listen to your thoughts?  You may be stunned at what you discover when you become more aware of your “self-talk.”  I certainly was!

I learned that several times throughout the day I would think something negative about myself or my situation.  I would find myself thinking, “Don’t be so stupid,” or “You will never get all this done.”  You might think these thoughts are fairly innocent.  However, psychological studies show that negative self-talk can impact your mood and damage your sense of self worth, in serious cases leading to increased stress and anxiety and even depression.

Isn’t it time to love and accept the one person you’re closest to – YOU?!  The first step is increasing your awareness so that you can take action.

Listen: Monitoring the Mental Noise

Since our minds are swirling in thoughts continuously, it can be a challenge to become more conscious of the mind’s content.  Learning to listen to our thoughts can take a lifetime of practice, but the pay off is enormous, and you can start in a couple of ways:

•  Journaling:  Start taking notes throughout the day of your thoughts, especially the thoughts that are related to your abilities, attractiveness, or worth.  You may want to count the number of positive and negative thoughts you have about yourself or your situation.  Ideally, when you record the ratio of positive to negative thoughts, you want it to be at least 3:1 (or higher on the positive side!).
•  Meditation:  One of the best ways to increase your self-awareness is through meditation.  Although you don’t need any special training or practice, many people like to try a class or pick up a book or CD on the topic to get started.  There are many resources available on the internet, including peaceful meditations to get you started.  Check them out!  Or if you need more direction, try the audio book “Guided Mindfulness Meditation
” title=“Guided Mindfulness Meditations”>Guided Mindfulness Meditations” by Jon Kabat-Zinn for an excellent introduction.

Reframe: Challenge the Self-Talk

Take the time this week to explore your self-talk by utilizing my Reframing Tip.  Reframing allows your conscious mind an opportunity to examine your thoughts and inject a dose of self-love, acceptance or humor.  After taking the time to record your thoughts, analyze what you’ve said by rethinking the negative comments and challenging them.

You may be surprised by what you learn about yourself when you monitor self-talk – and you will definitely benefit when you begin to express more love and acceptance toward yourself.

Thoughts?  Reactions?  Please share them with me in the comment section below!

Learn more about the power of Positive Thinking with Sue’s Fitness For All post last week.

Sara Armstrong is the owner of Zoi Wellness Consulting. In addition to wellness coaching, Sara specializes in health education seminars, diabetes prevention and management, Health for EVERY Body, and worksite wellness design. You can email Sara for a free wellness consultation at sara@zoiconsulting.com.

Comments

• disgruntledpenguin | posted March 01, 2010

  3:1!  I would consider it a miracle if I hit 1:3!

• Sara Armstrong, MS, RN | posted March 01, 2010

  Well, awareness IS the first step!
  But, seriously, if this concerns you, I would recommend checking out Barbara Fredrickson’s book, Positivity.  It explains the research behind the 3:1 recommendation and provides concrete tools for getting there.  Check out her website at http://www.positivityratio.com

  Let me know how it goes!  Best wishes!!

• disgruntledpenguin | posted March 08, 2010

  I’ve read a lot of books about this and I found them all to encourage self-delusion and irresponsibility (“So what if I am a complete failure at my job and potentially damaging people?”).  I don’t have money for another one right now.  (It seems it’s out in paperback, but then there’d be international shipping.)  Have you read Barbara Ehrenreich’s Bright-Sided?  This book’s website reminds me of that.

• disgruntledpenguin | posted March 08, 2010

  Anyway, the Amazon excerpt is not selling me.  “Here is what a horrible, unproductive, unhealthy person you are because you are negative. You, negative person, cannot do anything and everyone hates you, all because you foolishly insist on being so negative.  Now I will teach you how to stop being such a horrible disgusting person that everyone hates.”  This is usually followed by advice to tell yourself what a wonderful awesome beautiful person you are and how everyone loves you, even though the author just got done telling you the exact opposite.

• disgruntledpenguin | posted March 08, 2010

  I also notice that she blames obesity on negativity!

• Sara Armstrong, MS, RN | posted March 08, 2010

  Thanks for sharing your reactions - I have not yet read “Bright-Sided,” but I heard the author interviewed on NPR & The Daily Show.

  I certainly understand your reaction!  Who wants to be told how to feel - it’s your life, your experiences.  Also, it can be really annoying when you are surrounded by “Polly Anna” types who deny or ignore real problems and intense experiences.  Barbara Ehrenreich’s experience of having everyone tell her to ‘think positive’ when she was diagnosed with breast cancer is one I can relate to.  I used to work with cancer patients, and it was heartbreaking to see them feel blamed for their disease (or recurrence).

  I found that Positivity resonated for me because I do find that I can make matters worse for myself at times - just by ruminating and telling myself a ‘story’ about what is true.  I can make bad matters worse, just through my self-talk.  Although I don’t think this tendency makes me a bad person or unlovable, I do want to find ways to prevent the negative spiral, when possible.  I found the tools in Positivity helped me to identify when I am ‘going negative’ and provided some concrete tools for feeling better.  Of course, mixed in with the interesting research and excellent advice, is some things with which I would argue!  I try to approach these resources with a ‘take what works and leave the rest’ philosophy.  No one is ever 100% right - or 100% wrong, for that matter.

  Good luck on your journey - and keep in touch!