It’s been very hard for me for the last few years to stomach any kind of fat-hating, size-negative or bodily derogatory comment. When I’ve heard such comments, I’ve found myself getting violently angry, to the point of feeling viscerally revolted by the person who made the comment or the company who advertised along those lines.

This reaction can be both a good and bad thing.

Pathos

On the one hand, being hyper-attuned to such comments makes me sensitive to the language I use in reference to bodies, weight and size but also to other areas. I am much more likely to pay attention to the words I choose and to appreciate people’s differences and the struggles and benefits that accompany those differences.

This has made me, in many ways, a more sympathetic person.

On the other hand, however, it has not been good for my blood pressure or my relationships with nearly anyone.

When you have a reaction of pure disappointment towards anyone who says anything bodily negative, it makes it really hard to keep respecting, well, almost anyone.

In Everyday Places

For example, I go to yoga classes at my gym, and I think the yoga teacher is delightful. She had a crippling accident, could barely walk, and spent 5 years allowing yoga to bring her back to full mobility and health. Now she’s a teacher and brimming with positive energy and inspirational words.

But every so often she makes a comment about tightening the belly to “get rid of that awful belly fat” and “make things nice and flat.”

I get really annoyed by these kinds of comments, and it made me stop liking her as much. I knew this wasn’t necessarily a healthy approach but I couldn’t help it. I just felt incredibly annoyed at her comments. But maybe that’s not as healthy an approach as just recognizing that she is just a mouthpiece for society’s attitudes, and I shouldn’t be expecting more of people in this department.

The second notable instance happened very recently. I met someone new - a friend of a friend. He was a nice guy, and we were all hanging out and having a good time at a baseball game. At some point, he made a topical comment in reference to my observation that the umpire kept touching the back of the catcher about minimal fatness requirements for baseball umpires and their need for a tripod to keep their balance.

I had two choices. I could get worked up and think less of him or I could continue to have a nice time and conclude that he doesn’t know better and is a mouthpiece for society’s negativity.

This time, I chose the latter path. I didn’t want to get worked up. I didn’t want to dislike him. It’s not good for my health, blood pressure or relationships with other people.

I merely said that I had no problem with the fatness of umpires and returned the conversation to the path along which it had previously trod.

But What to Do

Now, I don’t know whether this approach is a good or bad thing. As I’ve mentioned, both it and my previous outrage have their pros and cons.

I do know that in order to change society’s attitudes towards fat people and the way people perceive size and weight, I can’t go getting furious and hateful - and at the same time everything isn’t a teachable moment, as that approach can be isolating, too.

When I hear negative comments I need to breath deep - a valuable lesson from the yoga teacher desirous of flat bellies - not give the negative statement any power and continue on my way, seeking better opportunities to do the kind of work that promotes Size Acceptance and Size Diversity.

After all, when I see billboards of a beautiful, plump, smiling girl, with words plastered beside her that say, “We can’t keep making excuses for childhood obesity,” how can I expect the attitudes of the people I meet to reflect anything different?

What do you do when you hear negative fat-hating comments from the people in your everyday life? Do you say something, seethe or just let it go? How do you reflect afterwards?

As an historian, Jay understands the degree to which our aesthetic judgments are shaped by our cultural surroundings, and he has studied and written about the importance of rights, respect and acceptance for all people. Jay is a member of the Association for Size Diversity and Health.