It is very natural for our mind to criticize and judge. People tend to look at the negative before looking at the positive. On top of that, we set unrealistic expectations on ourselves, like wanting to be 100% perfect every minute of every day. All those tendencies create a constant feeling of disappointment, frustration, and guilt.
We are out of balance.
Our expectations and our reactions throw us off balance.
How do we fix the imbalance?
We can see our life as a process. We can look at our progress rather than expect perfection.
One of my clients this week, let’s call her Joyce, had a few days of effective and supportive communication with her husband. She was able to communicate in a kind and compassionate way and she thanked him for his support. But, over the weekend, they had a fight and went back to their old behavior of creating conflict, each trying to “win the war.”
When she shared her frustration with me, I suggested that she choose a new perspective for this week: What do I want to have more of, and what do I want to have less of?
With this new approach in mind, Joyce realized they were already having more of the new, positive communication and less of the old, negative communication. This is a success and needs to be seen as such! Most of the week was better than before, even if the old behavior persisted for some of it.
Look at your life from a different perspective and set up realistic expectations. Think to yourself:
I want to have more of…
I want less of…
Do your answers surprise you?
The Bottom Line: Instead of expecting yourself to be perfect, plan to have more of the new, positive behavior and less of the old, negative one.
Ask: What do I want more of, and what do I want less of?
Affirm: I want to have more X and less Y. I let myself take steps towards success.
Michal Spiegelman of Balanced Moments successfully helps people worldwide create balance and fulfillment in their lives. As a Life Coach, Michal helps people stretch, get out of their comfort zones, grow and achieve. She holds a degree in social work and has 15 years of experience as an Energy Healer. Michal is a trained facilitator and mentor of the Hoffman Institute, a world-renowned leader in personal development. She is a Certified Professional Life Coach (CPC) trained by the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC).