Give The Gift That Keeps On Giving—Receiving!
by Golda Poretsky, H.H.C.December 21 2009
Over-Giving Syndrome
How often have you heard the aphorism, "it’s better to give than to receive?"
Well, I’ve heard it a lot, and I must beg to differ. I think they are equally wonderful, but receiving has gotten too bad of a rap.
The problem, as I see it, is that many of us have become accustomed to over-giving. We over-give of our time, our brainpower, our emotional energy and so much more. At that, we’re doing this all year long, such that by the time we get to the holidays we kick our over-giving into hyper-drive: we buy more presents for others than our budgets really allow, we make food that we don’t really like in order to please others, we endure lots of parties we don’t want to attend, and the list goes on and on. It’s as if we’re all suffering from "Over-Giving Syndrome." Amazingly, we do this at the time of year when the nights are the longest, when our bodies are telling us to rest more, to dream more, to restore our energy.
Giving, when done out of a true desire to give, is indeed beautiful and wonderful. But you can’t get to that point of pleasurable giving until you’ve really received.
In other words, you can’t pour eggnog from an empty container of eggnog.
(Mmmm… eggnog….)
But I digress.
The Remedy for Over-Giving Syndrome
In this season of giving, let’s discuss the art of receiving as a cure for Over-Giving Syndrome. How is it done? How do you replenish your energy? How do you refill the eggnog container?
(Mmmm… eggnog…)
If you’ve been reading this blog for a while and trying my tips, then you’ve already learned some great tips on receiving. But receiving can be as simple as strategically employing a few simple words.
1) Say "No" More Often—"No" is such simple word, yet so hard to say when you’re unaccustomed to it! "No" is one of the best words to use when you feel your energy waning and know that you need to protect it. Practice saying "no" to small things first, just to get used to it. If you typically have trouble saying "no", remember that "no" is a more loving word than it’s given credit for. When you say "no" to something you don’t want, you are being loving to yourself, your desires, and your needs. In addition, you’re being loving to the person who is requesting something of you, because that person knows where you stand and won’t suffer through your resentment for "making you" do something you don’t want to do.
2) Say "Yes" More Often—How often do you say "no" to things you want and say "yes" (or acquiesce) to things you don’t want? In order to receive joyously, you also have to learn to say "yes" to the things you want. Just like saying "no" to the things you don’t want, saying "yes" to things you do want can take some negotiation. Say "yes" to lunch invitations, phone calls from friends, curling up with your favorite new novel, and other things that make you happy. If you want to refill your proverbial cup of eggnog, you’ll have to start saying "Yes" when someone cute at the deli accidentally drops it in your cart.
(Did someone say eggnog?)
3) Say "Thank You" (Without Caveats) More Often—Way back when, whenever someone complimented me on my outfit, I would immediately blurt out something like "It was so on sale!" or "Really? It’s so old!" or any number of horrendous things that deflected the compliment and made the complimenter sorry s/he ever said anything. (Okay, so I still do this 10% of the time, I admit.) I had no idea that I could just say, "Thank you!" I also had no idea that simply saying "thank you" would have had the desired effects of (a) allowing me to receive the compliment, (b) making me feel good, and (c) making the complimenter feel good about complimenting me. When someone gives you a gift or a compliment (which is also a gift), saying things like "you shouldn’t have" or "oh, no, I look terrible" has the completely undesired effects of (a) deflecting the compliment so that it doesn’t sink in and get received, (b) making you feel bad, and (c) making the complimenter feel bad because s/he was just told that his/her gift was not appreciated or accepted and that s/he was wrong for giving it.
Who knew it was so easy to receive? A few strategic "yesses", "nos" and "thank yous" and you’ll be feeling replenished in no time. Try it and comment to let me know how it goes.
Wishing you a very happy holiday! Have some eggnog for me, will ya?
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When you do opt to give joyously this holiday, give the gift of Body Love! Get Golda’s Body Love Meditation CD for $15 including FREE priority shipping! Each additional CD is only $10!