I love the symbolism of Passover and Easter, moving from enslavement to freedom, wandering in a desert to reach a new home, coming back from death to serve a new role in the world.  In each of these celebrations there is a vibration of change, possibility and growth.  We are reminded that change is not always easy: you may have to endure pain in some form (plagues/crucifixion), feel lost and unsure (wandering in the desert), or even lose a part of yourself (death) in order to change and create something new.

Feeling Stuck

How often do you feel “stuck” in your life?  Do you ever dream of changing jobs or moving to a new place, but find that you have a million reason why you can’t?  Do you think about learning guitar, or writing a book, or teaching a class, but it just seems impossible?  What about little things like telling the truth to a friend who’s hurt you or saying, “No” to something that isn’t for you?  I find that sometimes the little things, like just saying “no” to a request, can seem harder than writing a book. That is, we feel stuck when we struggle to change.

Part of the reason why change can seem difficult is that we often have a fixed idea of who we are.  Take a moment to think of a few adjectives that you might use to describe yourself. 

The Conflict with Perceptions

For example, you may think of yourself as “logical, reliable, and generous.”  These are all good things to be, right?  So, let’s say a friend comes to you and asks for a small loan.  He always pays you back promptly, with interest, and he says he needs the money and will pay you back within a week.  Your gut is telling you not to do it, and you want to say “no” to your friend, but another part of you insists on giving him the loan because you think of yourself - and like to think of yourself - as “logical, reliable, and generous.”  Your logical mind says he always pays back with interest, and you want to be a reliable and generous friend.  Thus, you lend the money and try to ignore that nagging feeling that you have shouldn’t have lent him the money.  In essence, the deeper desire to say “no” was overridden in favor of an ingrained self-perception.

This is just an example of how our fixed perceptions conflict with our deeper desires.  When this happens, we feel “stuck.”  We know on a deep level what we want to do, but we don’t believe it’s possible because acting in that fashion is not in keeping with what we think we know about ourselves or the roles that we’ve taken on in life.

Billy Pilgrim Became Unstuck and You Can Too

So how do we shift from stuck to unstuck?  Well, the first step is identifying our beliefs about ourselves. 

You can start with, “I am _______” or “I am a ________.”  Make an actual list on paper if you can.  Include everything - even things that seem obvious like, “I am a New Yorker,” or, “I have brown hair.”  Have lots of fun with it, identifying all those things you know about yourself. 

Next, take one area that you’d like to change and try identifying with it, at least for a week.  If you would really like to be a writer, try identifying with that notion for a week.  Try saying to yourself or others, “I am a writer” or, “I am studying writing.”  If you’re thinking of moving to another city, like Seattle for example, try, “I am moving to Seattle,” or, “I live in Seattle.” If saying these things is difficult for you at first, then you can just try this, “I am open to possibilities and positive change.” As you draw conclusions about certain things, like deciding that you really do want to be a Seattlan or that it’s just not for you, move onto other identities that might suit you. As you find identities you like, pursue them: start writing or move to Seattle!

Like affirmations, this may feel funny at first.  It may feel uncomfortable or feel like a lie.  It’s not a lie, though: it’s an experiment.  You’re trying on a new way of being and a new way of responding to others.  You are researching your own happiness.

In fact, next time someone asks you what you do, just say, “I’m a happiness researcher.”  You’re guaranteed a good conversation from that one response!

Want some individualized attention getting unstuck?  Check out www.bodylovewellness.com to set up a free consultation with Golda!  And don’t forget to check out other great More of Me to Love blogs.

Also—attention New Yorkers!  Golda will be teaching 3 workshops this April in Brooklyn.  For more info or to register, go to www.bodylovewellness.com/UpcomingWorkshops.html.  The first class is Tuesday, April 14th!

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness. She counsels women and men throughout the country on how to get off the dieting roller coaster, give their bodies what they really crave, and love their bodies and themselves. Golda's counseling and activism work have been featured on CBS's The Early Show, ABC's Nightline and Time Out New York. For more support with healing your relationship with food and your body, get your free copy of Golda's Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining by clicking here.