Last week, I had the pleasure of going to a lovely dinner with my friend (let’s call her Amanda). The subject turned to the topic of dating. She told me how, about a year ago, she had wanted to meet a guy but wasn’t meeting anyone who piqued her interest, so she decided to start dating herself. In essence, she decided to be her own lover. She would take herself out to restaurants that she had been dying to go to, she would buy herself flowers, write herself love letters, make beautiful dinners for herself, and enjoy sensual time with herself. She so enjoyed dating herself that she ended up attracting a really great relationship in a matter of months. She joked that she was in a poly-amorous relationship—her primary relationship was with herself and her secondary relationship was with her boyfriend.

What I loved about Amanda’s story was that she kept dating herself even though she now had a boyfriend because the benefits of dating herself were so great. So what are some of the benefits of dating yourself?

 
• Dating yourself allows you to get in touch with what you really want in your relationships. It allows you to connect with how you want to be loved, how you want to be touched, how much space you need, etc.
 
• Dating yourself allows you to see how much you have and how much you are able to fulfill your own desires, without relying on someone else to act on them for you. In essence, you realize your completeness.
 
• Dating yourself allows you to assert boundaries in your relationships in an easy and loving way. Sometimes it’s easier to say, "I need to go on a date with myself" than "I need to be left alone".
 
• Dating yourself allows you to spend time enjoying the sensual pleasure of your body, which is so healing in terms of body acceptance (and so wonderful nonetheless!).
 
• If you are looking for a relationship, dating yourself gives you a reminder of how it feels to be dating.  And, as you may have found, people often get more attention from potential lovers when they’re already in a relationship. Therefore, dating yourself can actually make you more desirable because you’re already in a relationship.

In the work that I do, I often find that different techniques work for different people when it comes to increasing their sense of self love and well being. If dating yourself sounds like fun to you, I encourage you to do it!  In order to support you, answer these questions and start acting on your answers. Your lover is waiting!

 
• What kinds of communication would you like to get from the person you’re dating? (Consider: sexy text messages, love letters, loving voice mails.)
 
• Where would you like to go on dates? (Consider: restaurants, movies, museums, parks, boat rides, at home.)
 
• What kind of gifts would you like to get from a lover? (Consider: flowers, books, clothes, jewelry.)
 
• What kind of sensual experiences would you like to have with a lover? (Experiment with exploring your body. There are some great books on this topic.)
 
• What would you like to wear on these dates? (Consider: dressing up, lingerie, perfume, makeup, hair.)
 
• How do you like to set the mood for yourself? (Consider: music, baths, self massage.)

Have fun with this! It may feel a little strange at first - what relationship doesn’t! - but stick with it and see what you can get out of it. Do the things that sound pleasurable to you and forget about the things that don’t. And remember, the first rule of the Body Love Club is it’s all research.

Finally, the idea of fulfilling your own desires doesn’t have to be limited to dating yourself. Pick a desire that you feel you need someone else to fulfill, and try to fulfill it yourself, even in a small way. For example, if you’re looking for a new job, perhaps you want to pay yourself for a task that you do, just to get the feeling into your body of being paid for different work.

As always, let me know how it goes in the comments below!

My 3 week teleclass to support you in your intuitive eating and body love journey has already begun, but if you want in, I’ll get ya in. The first session (and all sessions) are recorded, so you can still catch up. If you want to try out Health At Every Size for yourself, here is your chance!

Don’t forget to check out my fellow experts’ great tips this week.

 

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness. She counsels women and men throughout the country on how to get off the dieting roller coaster, give their bodies what they really crave, and love their bodies and themselves. Golda's counseling and activism work have been featured on CBS's The Early Show, ABC's Nightline and Time Out New York. For more support with healing your relationship with food and your body, get your free copy of Golda's Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining by clicking here.