Negative Thinking’s In All of Us

Sometimes I feel like I have endless amounts of negative chatter in my head.  Despite all of the New Age-y work I’ve done on myself, despite the endless journaling and meditations, I still find that in moments of weakness, my thoughts can spiral into criticism and judgment. 

Negative chatter can take on many different forms.  For me, it’s always about feeling like I did something wrong.  For instance, I remember this time when I had an event to attend in which I’d be talking about my business and meeting new people.  Late the night before the event, I sat there wishing I’d organized my fliers differently and thinking that maybe my outfit wasn’t good enough. 

For some people, the negative chatter is less about self-questioning and more about other people treating them badly.  Their thoughts may spiral about feeling slighted again and again.

These negative thought processes can take many different forms, but one thing’s for sure: they’re rarely productive.  When we give in to negative thinking, we feel judged, criticized, victimized and powerless.  And when we act based upon these negative thoughts, we are acting from a place of fear and anger, rather than from our truth.

Transforming the Negative Thoughts

For many reasons, I find that turning around negative thinking creates major healing in my fat clients.  I believe that fat people have so internalized many of the judgments that Western culture makes about fatness, that in many instances fat people constantly expect and hear those criticisms even in moments when those criticisms are not being made.  Affirmations are a great way to release this internalization and support the self-esteem that we all deserve!

The first step in creating affirmations is to acknowledge the negative things that you’re hearing (this is particularly great to do when you’re feeling panicky.)  Take a deep breath and try to hear your negative thoughts.  I find that they usually start with things like “You always…” or “You never…” or “You should have…” or “Why do you always…” or “Why don’t you ever…”  This sort of chatter often comes through in absolutes; i.e., if you’re beating yourself up for forgetting to pay a bill, some how this voice will say, “You always forget to pay bills,” or “You always mess things up.”  I think that negative part of our psyche loves to employ absolutes because absolutes feel particularly incontrovertible and difficult to challenge or change.

But remember: that negative voice is not the truth.

Once you’ve acknowledged your negative thoughts, it’s time to take the worst offenders - the ones that feel particularly painful or urgent - and turn them around completely.  To demonstrate this process, here are a few examples:

“Your outfit is ugly and you always look unkempt” becomes “I always wear the perfect outfit and always look attractive and put-together.”

“You always say the stupidest things” becomes “I always say the perfect thing.”

“Guys don’t like me” becomes “I always attract amazing men because I’m a total man magnet” (obviously alterable based on your sexual preference!)

Are you seeing how it’s done?  Just take that negative thought and make it as positive as possible.  Always use the present tense, and have fun with it!

Once you have your affirmation or affirmations, repeat them a lot - at least 10 times a day - and don’t be afraid to say them or write them or think them 100 times a day or more.  You can keep them in a journal, think them in the car or when walking down the street - or say them in front of a mirror.  Do whatever it takes to move that affirmation from a thought to a belief.

And if you’re resistant to this whole idea, I will gift one of my favorite affirmations to you:  “I love saying affirmations, and it’s so much fun to think positively!”

Please share some of your new affirmations in the comments section below!

Don’t forget to check out the other great blogs this week.

 

Golda is a certified holistic health counselor and founder of Body Love Wellness. She counsels women and men throughout the country on how to get off the dieting roller coaster, give their bodies what they really crave, and love their bodies and themselves. Golda's counseling and activism work have been featured on CBS's The Early Show, ABC's Nightline and Time Out New York. For more support with healing your relationship with food and your body, sign up for the Body Love Wellness Newsletter and receive your free download — Golda’s Top Ten Tips For Divine Dining.