More of Me to Love: Wendy! We’re so glad that you could join us for this interview. Your book was fabulous - quite literally the “lively manifesto for any human” that the front cover claims. We want to ask you all about it, but first, let’s have a few warm-up questions so that those of us who haven’t had the privilege of reading your book yet can get to know you a bit better. How about this for starters: what’s your favorite television show?

Wendy Shanker: Right now I’m obsessed with “Friday Night Lights.” I thought it was a football show…but it’s soooo not. I’m watching every episode online, and each one is like a delicious treat. Best show ever? I’m a “Buffy” fan.

MTL: What’s your favorite movie?

WS: That’s a tough question. I recently saw “Rachel Getting Married” and “Waltz with Bashir,” and they have both stuck in my mind - in a very good way, that is.

MTL: What’s your favorite book?

WS: A favorite is Wicked, by Gregory Maguire. I found it WAY before everyone else did. Right now I’m reading Barack Obama’s Dreams From My Father. It’s so honest and complicated. I think it should be required reading for every kid in an American high school.

MTL: What was the last vacation you took and how was it?

WS: I went to visit my parents in Miami. It was lovely and relaxing but NOT WARM YET, so I’m going to try again soon.

MTL: What is your idea of the perfect Sunday?

WS: Sleeping in, reading The New York Times, having some sort of coffee-and-carb combo brunch, meeting up with friends, going to the movies, eating again, and then hitting the sack at a reasonable hour.

MTL: Now let’s change gears and talk about your book. What inspired you to write all of your experiences down?

WS: I’d been writing about body image for a long time, but it was after I spent a month at the Duke Diet & Fitness Center that I thought, “I have to write about my experience.”

MTL: Was writing this book emotional or cathartic? How so? Had you ever told anyone so much in so much depth or was this a “coming out” of sorts?

WS: Writing the book was emotional AND cathartic – but it was more about writing it than having it be read by others. I never thought it would actually be published. That someone else could read and relate to it was a bonus I never expected.

MTL: What do you hope this book accomplishes (both for you and your readers)? Has the feedback over the last 5 years been what you hoped for?

WS: I wanted the book to be one little push back against the tidal wave of negative body image material that we were drowning in. I also wanted it to be funny, because there were already very serious/academic books written on the subject. Somehow, when you laugh at something, you almost don’t realize it’s helping you change your mind. The feedback has been stunning and surprising, and I’m honored every time I hear from someone who has read the book and connected to it.

MTL: I know you wrote The Fat Girl’s Guide to Life but I’m wondering what you think about life for fat men. How do you think the experiences of fat men are different from those of fat women? How does the advice you offered in your book apply to fat men?

WS: Many people asked me if I was going to write a sequel called The Fat Man’s Guide to Life. I said, “If I was a fat man, I certainly would!” What’s been really surprising about the response to the book is that you don’t have to be fat or a girl to relate to it. Lots of thin women told me that they felt the same way I did – which was a wake-up call for me. Men who are concerned about their looks are getting inundated the same way women have been for a long time. Also, men who read this book told me that it helped them relate to the women in their lives and to understand how their perfectly beautiful wives/girlfriends/moms/sisters/friends could be in a position where they couldn’t see their own beauty and worth.

MTL: I found your treatment of beauty in “Such a Pretty Face” interesting. For a while it seemed that you were suggesting that our societal standards of beauty were actually “what is beautiful,” but it becomes clear later that this isn’t what you believe. This chapter seemed to be set between the story of your body in the first half of the book and your coming to accept your body in the second half. In that sense, it seemed “caught.” How do you feel about this now (i.e. what is beautiful, and does culture set the standard or do we each have the power to set it for ourselves)?

WS: It’s interesting to hear your take on the back and forth. There are two parts to this issue – breaking down what “we” think of as beautiful, and then what “I” think of as beautiful. So first you have to get away from beauty = thin/white/blond/big boobs, then you have to connect to your own definition – whether it’s fat, different skin, different hair, height, you name it. So it’s like, “Oh, that’s what beauty is! And I am that! Ergo, I am beautiful!”

MTL: Was learning that you could be healthy and fat an important step in your own process of self-acceptance? When was the first time you learned that you could be perfectly healthy and fat? It seems to be a distinctly intellectual component that contributes to a much larger emotional picture (people in your life telling you that their concern about your weight was for your health), and I was hoping you could speak to its level of importance for you (e.g. How long after learning of such things were you able to begin accepting yourself and your body?).

WS: I think I had talked the talk for a long time before realizing that it was true. I can’t speak for everyone, of course, but for me, after all those diets, all that effort, all that money, and topped off by the Duke drama – the second that mess was over, I got it. Yes, I weighed (I think it was 219) at the time. But look at this blood test. Look at the strength and fitness I have. Look how low my other risk factors are. I am a healthy woman physically. So let’s get the mentality to match.

MTL: Are you entirely happy with your body today? If not, do you love your body no matter what?

WS: Oh, I wish! LOL. I actually weigh less now than I do when I wrote the book, and honestly, that’s been hard for me to deal with. I felt more “right” in my body when I was a little heavier. So I’m trying to accept the changes that my body makes naturally. I’m going to have to start dealing with all the “old” stuff soon, so the mindset better be ready to run with it!

Since publishing your book…

MTL: Do you still do the healthy things you discussed, like regular exercise, nutritious and conscious eating, and body positive thinking?

WS: Yes, I do.

MTL: Have you ever returned to dieting?

WS: Not for one minute.

MTL: Has the gym become any less of a terrible experience?

WS: Still hate it! Still do it!

MTL: Do you think that Hollywood’s portrayal of fat people has improved at all?

WS: I do. I think there has been a major shift in the attitude of people towards fat, and then this weird Hollywood thing where now it’s just as evil to be too thin as it is to be too fat. That’s not exactly a great situation either, but I do think it’s because people are questioning the image that’s been served up as perfection. I’d still love to see more diversity of all kinds in media.

MTL: Have you noticed an increase in diversity and size offerings at clothing stores?

WS: Yes, and I think the Internet has a lot to do with that. I definitely don’t get the attitude I used to get in straight size stores. And there is so much fantastic plus-size style available at all price points.

MTL: Have you found more sympathetic health care professionals?

WS: I have. It’s been a major leap and essential for me to understand that while a doctor may be the expert in medicine, I am the expert in ME. Any professional who doesn’t want to be on my “team” ain’t my kind of professional. Buh-bye.

MTL: What is the first step a fat girl should take in order to start accepting and loving herself?

WS: My suggestion is to avoid the “Uch.” What I mean by that is the auto-response so many of us have when we look at ourselves in the mirror. We look and say “Uch” – if not out loud, then in our minds. So the next time you look, and you hear the “Uch” in your head – don’t let it come out. Stifle the urge to “Uch.”

MTL: What are three other big steps someone should take to start accepting her or his body?

WS: The biggest thing is to tune out all the voices that are chipping away at your self worth. If those magazines make you feel like shit, don’t buy them. If trying clothes on in a dressing room is painful, take them home and try them on in the comfort of your space. If your parent or partner or friend can’t think of anything nice to say – but they still say it? - you don’t have to listen. You don’t have to internalize it or take their issues on yourself. I also think that there are lots of resources, great blogs and books that you can read that will make you feel good about yourself. Find that stuff instead. And contribute to it.

Also – if you’re a teenager or know a teenager who feels weird about the way they look, pick up a copy of “Does This Make Me Look Fat,” a new body image anthology. I’ve got a piece in there along with a bunch of great writers who have different takes on the way we see ourselves.

MTL: You have some great advice for what to say to those who make people feel bad about their weight and how to protest the daily injustices associated with being fat. What fun quips have you said to people who have made you feel less than good about your weight since publishing your book?

WS: Hilarious question. Well, the funny part is that I have to defend my fat in a different way. When I tell someone I wrote a book called The Fat Girl’s Guide to Life, more often than not the knee jerk reaction is, “But…you’re not fat!” Oh, yes I am! But it’s fun, because instead of someone throwing something confrontational my way, they have to confront their own feelings (“Ooh, wait, she’s saying she’s fat, but she’s not scary, and she’s pretty, so she’s not fat, or I don’t want her to feel fat, so let me tell her…You’re not fat!”). So when I get that, I usually say something like, “I may not look ‘fat’ to you, but believe me, I’m still a moose in Hollywood.”

MTL: Do you think there will be a second edition of The Fat Girl’s Guide to Life? If so, what will you say about Brad Pitt no longer loving Jennifer Aniston?

WS: I know! All my pop culture references are DUSTY now. No more Brad and Jen…Britney had a breakdown…and so on. I could update all that stuff, but five years from now, I bet I’ll have to change it again. Then again, Brangelina could last forever…

MTL: Thank you so much for allowing us the privilege of talking to you about your experiences. You are just as sensational and fun to talk with as reading your book suggests.

To learn more about Wendy Shanker and her project, visit her website. Questions or comments? Leave them below.